When I Need You More

I am happy though sometimes I cry alone on what was happening and I felt in my life. Yes, alone. Because not everyone could feel what I feel. Perhaps you think this is excessive. But here's what I'm facing. The fact that I have to live. Though I know not only me that has the problem.  even have a problem. But here's the reality that I face. I do not want to complain, but to whom I have to share other than my God. Yes, my God. Because of all this I can only complain and share Him. After pray, after tahlil, tahmid. All of which makes this chest tightness, all of which make this inner cry and scream. Devoting what I feel, what I have to deal and live for this to Him. Yes, on the ILLAHI Rabb. but that does not mean my life does not feel happy. I'm happy, but I also have another side.

Either I was so in need someone to sharing what I'm face. But here's the reality I can only complain about this in my pray.

But I always try to think positive, "if God gives all of this is because He loves me. God wants to see me strength to face all this. God wants to see my faith behind all this.
"Yes, those words that always I Think so as not to make myself getting down: ')

But even then often I feel inadequate, not being able to face all this. Often I hold back the tears, storing sad that I guess just not seem what I actually I guess. Heavy to continue to keep it. Not all live what I lived. Although I know there are many trials that people out there are face much heavier than me. But here's the problem, here's what I think over the years. This is also what I live.

But, they definitely out there are many strong peoplr. Fortunately for those who are so strong. However, I believe they are as strong as possible for face every problem, certainly also had a moment where they will cry and shed tears. Yes, tears like me. Not because whiny and weak. But precisely here lies our strength. Where we had to pretend smile when hearts cry.

But, this is the life. Filled with color, puzzles, turnover etc. Nobody knows what happen every seconds, minutes, hours or even tomorrow. Whether it's happy, like, jokes, sad, crying etc. Yes, because all the secrets of the creator. Only God knows and determines what will happen and we have to face in life.

Currently, I'm just tired . it's right this time if I cry? The fact im often cry.

God please Hold me with affection. Give this heart with the power of Your love that will never break up with me. Never far from the heart of this God that I was getting ready to face what will happen next. God willing me to promise, hopefully after this I will not complain anymore.

Because I'm sure, you have always been and will always be with me. Always give me the power of your love.

Because I am sure, you will not give a trial beyond the limits of your servant. And because I'm also sure that you will give something much more beautiful after this. Something that is beautiful in its time: ')

Hopefully  i can  stronger and continue to be grateful even in any circumstances.
Aamiin, Aamiin allahuma Aamiin